Positive Psychology is an branch of science that studies the use of positive characteristics, such as Gratitude, Optimism, Resilience, Goal Setting, Self-Efficacy, and Emotional Awareness, and how these traits affect us and others. For example, research has indicated that people who experience more positive emotions such as joy, love, and happiness; in turn, experience fewer negative emotions such as bitterness, envy, and resentment, as well as, increased feelings of connectedness, improved relationships, and greater physical health (Emmons & McCullough, 2003; Emmons, 2007).
Many of these Positive Psychology traits support one another. For instance, Optimism, the belief that things will turn out well, is a necessary ingredient of resilience. Research shows that part of what enables people to thrive despite setback, failure, and hardship is the ability to think optimistically in the face of adversity. Optimistic thinkers ask themselves, "Where do I have control? What can I do to make this situation better? What can I learn from this struggle?"
Some of traits studied in Positive Psychology can be influenced by personality and experience, but research suggests that skill training can improve these skills. One of the best skills to foster through training is Self-Efficacy. Self-efficacy is the ability to define a goal, persevere, and see oneself as capable. Parents and other adults can help children develop self-efficacy by reinforcing their strengths and helping them identity steps or paths to achieve their goals. Self-esteem and self-efficacy are not the same. Self-esteem is feeling good about yourself, whereas, self-efficacy is the belief that you have skills that you can rely on to help you navigate life and reach your goals. Feeling good about oneself matters, but the best way to help children feel good about themselves is to provide them with opportunities to learn what their strengths are and to help them to cultivate the belief that they can rely on their strengths when facing a challenge. That is why when we try to promote self esteem in children with general words of praise, such as, “You did great,” “It will be fine,” or “I think you are the best,” they can sometimes fall short.
STEPS WE CAN TAKE TO ENHANCE SELF-EFFICACY IN CHILDREN
Challenge negative thoughts. We can teach children to identify and challenge negative thoughts that undermine their belief in their ability to master a task. Adults can teach children and youth to challenge negative thinking by helping them to first identify the negative thought and then to use evidence to prove why the negative thought is inaccurate. Replace the negative thought with a positive, truthful idea.
Teach goal setting. Teaching children how to set realistic goals and strategies for persisting in achieving those goals when they encounter obstacles helps them to experience greater mastery in life. Helping children to increase their pathways thinking (thinking that helps identify or create many paths to a goal) and agency thinking (thinking that helps keep motivation up while pursuing a goal) helps them experience greater hope and more success in achieving the goal.
Notice, analyze, and celebrate successes. We can increase self-efficacy by teaching youth to identify successes and to accurately assess their contribution. For example, parents or teachers can work with children to keep a “success journal” in which they record successes and list the skills, talents, and strategies that they used to bring about the positive outcome. This not only helps children build positive self perceptions, but it also creates positive emotion, which in turn leads to more creative thinking and enhanced problem solving.
Use process praise. Process praise, in which children are praised for their efforts and the strategies they used to bring about a success (e.g., “You did well because you kept at it and tried different ways to solve the problem.”), can lead to greater mastery, persistence, and achievement than simply praising children for being smart (e.g., “You did well because you’re just so smart!”). Emphasizing effort and strategy helps children focus their attention on variables they can control: how hard they try and the strategies used.
Provide opportunities for mastery experiences. Give children opportunities to control their environment. Creating opportunities for children to make decisions, use and practice their skills, and try different paths to achieve their goals will help build self-efficacy. This requires genuinely knowing the child’s strengths and being able to link those to their goals.
Be honest and realistic. When a child fails or has a setback, don’t pretend it didn’t happen. It is far better to acknowledge the struggle (“That must have been really hard. I can see why you are disappointed.”) and identify specific strengths he might use next time (“You pass the ball really well. Passing might be more effective than shooting from so far away.”). When we help children to pay attention to their skills and strengths and help them to figure out how to use them more fully, we are teaching them self-efficacy. And, acknowledging the reality of the situation conveys that you genuinely understand what the child has experienced and helps her see herself as someone who can cope with a challenge.
TIPS FOR SELF-EFFICACY ENHANCERS
Using “self-efficacy enhancers” instead of “self-esteem enhancers” gives children more concrete, realistic feedback on how to persevere. Adults can develop the ability to use self-efficacy enhancers, but it takes practice. It is harder than simply patting our children on the back and saying, “You are a star!” The effort, however, will pay off for the child and you. Adults who develop this skill report feeling that they are communicating more honestly with their children—and that’s a win for all involved!
Slow down. Because it is much easier to use global, general praise, if you are on autopilot, that’s what you’ll hear yourself saying. So, say to yourself something like, “Hold on. What can I say to my child that will be honest and will also help her to figure out how to use one of her strengths or talents to cope with the situation or make it better in the future?”
Be specific. Rather than say things like “You were wonderful” or “You did great,” challenge yourself to name, as specifically as possible, what the child did that was wonderful or great. For example, “Your bounce passes were really strong” or “You sang the high notes really well.” This means that you have to pay attention!
Name a strength. Identify a strength or skill that your child can use to cope with the situation or to help things turn out better in the future. You can say, “You have such a great ability to speak up for yourself; how might that help you in this situation?” or “I’ve seen you use your sense of humor to help you in other situations; is there a way it can help you here?” or “You’ve got really strong passing skills; how could you rely on those more in the next game?” Remember, the more you practice self-efficacy enhancers, the easier they will become.
For more about goal setting and perseverance, check out Angela Lee Duckworth's TED Talk on Grit. Here research shows a greater link between Grit and Success, than IQ.
Many of these Positive Psychology traits support one another. For instance, Optimism, the belief that things will turn out well, is a necessary ingredient of resilience. Research shows that part of what enables people to thrive despite setback, failure, and hardship is the ability to think optimistically in the face of adversity. Optimistic thinkers ask themselves, "Where do I have control? What can I do to make this situation better? What can I learn from this struggle?"
Some of traits studied in Positive Psychology can be influenced by personality and experience, but research suggests that skill training can improve these skills. One of the best skills to foster through training is Self-Efficacy. Self-efficacy is the ability to define a goal, persevere, and see oneself as capable. Parents and other adults can help children develop self-efficacy by reinforcing their strengths and helping them identity steps or paths to achieve their goals. Self-esteem and self-efficacy are not the same. Self-esteem is feeling good about yourself, whereas, self-efficacy is the belief that you have skills that you can rely on to help you navigate life and reach your goals. Feeling good about oneself matters, but the best way to help children feel good about themselves is to provide them with opportunities to learn what their strengths are and to help them to cultivate the belief that they can rely on their strengths when facing a challenge. That is why when we try to promote self esteem in children with general words of praise, such as, “You did great,” “It will be fine,” or “I think you are the best,” they can sometimes fall short.
STEPS WE CAN TAKE TO ENHANCE SELF-EFFICACY IN CHILDREN
Challenge negative thoughts. We can teach children to identify and challenge negative thoughts that undermine their belief in their ability to master a task. Adults can teach children and youth to challenge negative thinking by helping them to first identify the negative thought and then to use evidence to prove why the negative thought is inaccurate. Replace the negative thought with a positive, truthful idea.
Teach goal setting. Teaching children how to set realistic goals and strategies for persisting in achieving those goals when they encounter obstacles helps them to experience greater mastery in life. Helping children to increase their pathways thinking (thinking that helps identify or create many paths to a goal) and agency thinking (thinking that helps keep motivation up while pursuing a goal) helps them experience greater hope and more success in achieving the goal.
Notice, analyze, and celebrate successes. We can increase self-efficacy by teaching youth to identify successes and to accurately assess their contribution. For example, parents or teachers can work with children to keep a “success journal” in which they record successes and list the skills, talents, and strategies that they used to bring about the positive outcome. This not only helps children build positive self perceptions, but it also creates positive emotion, which in turn leads to more creative thinking and enhanced problem solving.
Use process praise. Process praise, in which children are praised for their efforts and the strategies they used to bring about a success (e.g., “You did well because you kept at it and tried different ways to solve the problem.”), can lead to greater mastery, persistence, and achievement than simply praising children for being smart (e.g., “You did well because you’re just so smart!”). Emphasizing effort and strategy helps children focus their attention on variables they can control: how hard they try and the strategies used.
Provide opportunities for mastery experiences. Give children opportunities to control their environment. Creating opportunities for children to make decisions, use and practice their skills, and try different paths to achieve their goals will help build self-efficacy. This requires genuinely knowing the child’s strengths and being able to link those to their goals.
Be honest and realistic. When a child fails or has a setback, don’t pretend it didn’t happen. It is far better to acknowledge the struggle (“That must have been really hard. I can see why you are disappointed.”) and identify specific strengths he might use next time (“You pass the ball really well. Passing might be more effective than shooting from so far away.”). When we help children to pay attention to their skills and strengths and help them to figure out how to use them more fully, we are teaching them self-efficacy. And, acknowledging the reality of the situation conveys that you genuinely understand what the child has experienced and helps her see herself as someone who can cope with a challenge.
TIPS FOR SELF-EFFICACY ENHANCERS
Using “self-efficacy enhancers” instead of “self-esteem enhancers” gives children more concrete, realistic feedback on how to persevere. Adults can develop the ability to use self-efficacy enhancers, but it takes practice. It is harder than simply patting our children on the back and saying, “You are a star!” The effort, however, will pay off for the child and you. Adults who develop this skill report feeling that they are communicating more honestly with their children—and that’s a win for all involved!
Slow down. Because it is much easier to use global, general praise, if you are on autopilot, that’s what you’ll hear yourself saying. So, say to yourself something like, “Hold on. What can I say to my child that will be honest and will also help her to figure out how to use one of her strengths or talents to cope with the situation or make it better in the future?”
Be specific. Rather than say things like “You were wonderful” or “You did great,” challenge yourself to name, as specifically as possible, what the child did that was wonderful or great. For example, “Your bounce passes were really strong” or “You sang the high notes really well.” This means that you have to pay attention!
Name a strength. Identify a strength or skill that your child can use to cope with the situation or to help things turn out better in the future. You can say, “You have such a great ability to speak up for yourself; how might that help you in this situation?” or “I’ve seen you use your sense of humor to help you in other situations; is there a way it can help you here?” or “You’ve got really strong passing skills; how could you rely on those more in the next game?” Remember, the more you practice self-efficacy enhancers, the easier they will become.
For more about goal setting and perseverance, check out Angela Lee Duckworth's TED Talk on Grit. Here research shows a greater link between Grit and Success, than IQ.